DAVID PRYDE: JOKES

- The Canadian Wheat Board is eliminating 135 jobs in order to cut costs. Laid-off workers were especially upset by the form letters they received announcing their dismissal, which began with the words, “Dear Chaff…”

- A new environmental study shows that every eight months 11 million gallons of oil run off from pollution into the oceans. To put it in perspective that’s the equivalent of one Exxon Valdez spill or 9 of Enrique Iglesias’s combs.

- To stop the spread of marijuana-growing operations, the Ontario government said it may amend Landlord and Tenant laws to make it easier for police to gain access to rental properties. The amendment would allow police to interpret the phrase, “Dave’s not here, man,” as consent to enter the premises.

- NASA scientists suggest the crippling of the Mars Spirit Rover last week was due to too many files stored in the ship’s computer. The problem seems under control since officials deleted some “Jackass” clips, an old Simcity game, and footage of Paris Hilton.

- A zoo in South Africa is taking care of two rare Baby Black Rhinos. This breed of rhinoceros is endangered because of poachers hunting them for their horns and, more recently, their succulent “baby black ribs”.

- Keanu Reeves bought new Harley Davidson motorcycles for his 12 stuntmen to thank them for making him look good in the movie. Wanting to give credit where it’s due, Reeves also bought his acting coach a new bus pass.